Evil Alien Kitty

I currently live with a cat that might be an alien. I'm not kidding. Her eyes are bright green and in the sun her pupils go into little thin vertical slits that are disturbing as fuck, I kid you not. I apologize for the profanity, but how does no one else notice that this cat looks quite profoundly evil unless she has giant pupils that give her the illusion of innocence? Her sun-eyes also look like that of an alien. Or a snake. Neither are things I'd want in my home. Well, maybe if it was a cool alien, like Worf. I'd like Worf in my home.

I am not deceived by her cute demur attitude and tiny stature. I know that when everyone went home for Christmas, and the angel was left on top of the tree, someone was responsible for her unsafe plummet to her doom. I'm guessing her name starts with a T and ends with okyo.

I give you exhibit A)

Isn't that scary?

Now, in all honesty, I couldn't begin to guess how this cat managed to scale the tree and stalk the angel at the top, but... stop and picture her trying for a moment. I can imagine her hanging off the tree, stretching toward her saintly prey... if anyone could manage such a feat, it would be Tokyo. Now, how she managed to do so without knocking ANY other ornaments off the tree, I'll never know.

I long ago decided that the best way to address a house pet is as a sentient being who might be capable of understanding you. My problem with Tokes (her nickname), is not that I think she's a stupid cat who doesn't understand me, my problem is that I think she does. I think she understands a lot of what's going on, but she chooses not to behave accordingly; or worse, she intentionally sabotages a situation.

Exhibit B) The Proposal

So Tokyo is my roommate Chloe's cat. Chloe loves her a lot, as does her fiance Blake (who I stole this photo from. Thanks Blake). Back in November, Blake decided to enlist Tokyo's help in proposing to Chloe. Seriously? Would you trust THAT cat? With an engagement ring?! Well... he did. Blake and Tokyo practiced several times in order to get it right. Blake would leave the room, and come back in a bit, to find Tokyo sitting on the bed, looking up at him, wearing the ring. Of course, when the time came for Chloe to come to the door with Blake, Tokyo bolted. They had to chase her around the house to get the ring back so that Blake could properly propose. That cat knew exactly what was going on, and she had sabotage in her heart.

She wants you to think she's stupid, but make no mistake. The second you underestimate this cat, she will prove you all kinds of wrong. And not in a good way. The smart thing to do is maintain a healthy awareness of her capacity for destruction and her constant plotting of vengeance for imaginary wrongs. And, just as a precautionary measure, plot yourself some kitty vengeance as well. The best way to emotionally defeat a cat is to think like a cat. Unless she's an alien. Then I'm likely screwed.

Everyone wants to eat my tuna (salad)

So, I've been in a bit of a slump this week (sometimes January gets me down), and I decided that in order to cheer myself up, I would go to the St. Lawrence Market. As we all know, I love the farmer's market. It is relaxing and pleasant, and puts me in a solidly good mood. Today, as I perused the market, I decided I would treat myself to some exceptional sashimi grade tuna. From there, I put together a salad in my mind that would prove to be pretty much the best salad I've ever eaten. Ever. No exaggeration.

So, I thought I'd share it with you guys.

First, cough up the money for some exceptional sashimi grade tuna. The tuna steak I bought cost me $20 (for two meals worth of tuna), which was worth every penny. Then, I bought some baby greens fresh from the grower. Then, I picked up a perfect avocado and an atulfo mango. YUM. Along with cucumber and red pepper, that formed the basis of my salad. Every part made a greater whole.

I marinated my tuna steak for several hours (about 3 or 4 I think). I made a marinade with:

1 tsp sesame oil

juice of one lime

1/2 tbsp maple syrup

2 tsp mushroom soy sauce

3 cloves garlic

1/2 tbsp ginger

Later on, when you're ready to eat (this salad really only takes about 20 minutes to prepare), get out all your ingredients and have fun!

Step 1: Put your lovely fresh baby greens in a small pile on the plate. Use the cucumbers to contain the pile by slicing them thinly and placing them in a circle.

Step 2: Peel and slice an atulfo (yellow) mango. My awesome roommate Chloe introduced me to this type of mango, and I've never gone back. I was never terribly fond of mango. It is fibrous, and didn't have the most appealing flavour in the world. Atulfo mangos are heaven. Really. Yum. They are like yummy mango butter. Place your mango decoratively around the cucumber (one mango per salad, unless its huge, then use your judgement. Maybe half, in that case).

Cut your avocado in half (use one half per salad). This avocado was probably the most perfect avocado I've bought in a store in Canada (though it still doesn't quite reach the level of the avos in Chile. YUM). Slice your avo and arrange decoratively on the salad.

Thinly slice your red pepper (red pepper is probably my favourite vegetable), and arrange it decoratively on the salad. Doesn't this salad look kind of like an artistic interpretation of sunshine?

Ok, now for the cooking step. Heat a skillet on the stove until it gets very hot. I added a thin layer of sesame oil to the skillet. Pan sear your tuna steak for 20-30 seconds on both sides. It is supposed to be just cooked on the outside and still raw on the inside. mmmmm... Remove from the pan. Ask.com told me that tuna will continue to cook once out of the pan, so be very careful not to overcook your tuna. Don't be scared though. This was the first time I made really good tuna, and it turned out like heaven! Or, as my roommate said 'OMG Ashley, its like candy!' But not cause its sweet, because its that damn good!

I made a dressing out of sesame oil, rice wine vinegar, soy and maple syrup. If I had more lime, I would have used that too.

I added some pine nuts to the middle of the salad, laid out my tuna and dressed my yummy creation!

My gourmand sister says, 'first, the eye must feast', and indeed, this was not only the best salad I've ever tasted, but one of the prettiest too.

People often have a hate-on for salad as a meal. Clearly, they've never eaten this salad. One of my roommates has often said that she's not a fan of any salad but mine. I try to explain that there isn't a trick. She doesn't seem convinced. When I present a salad like this though, I realize that there is a trick: high quality ingredients, and the pleasure of creation.

Oh, and btw, a piece of sashimi grade tuna with a piece of atulfo mango and a piece of really good avocado produces a foodgasm. Prepare yourself. OMG its so good.